Victorious Passion

All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.

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The Everlasting Fuckness That is My Life

Today's rant is going to consist of three things. I'll start at the smallest issue and work my way up. But JFC, I wonder if anyone can understand how goddamn pissed and upset and depressed and fucking pissed off I am right now. J. F. C. I am going to swear. I am going to rant. I am going to hopefully get this off my chest (but probably not).

1. So, first, school. Goddamn. I'm almost done with high school. I have three weeks left (but only eight class days because of our weird scheduling), AND MY TEACHER JUST ASSIGNED US ANOTHER 5-7 PAGE ESSAY. I haven't even been able to get the last two in BECAUSE SHE HASN'T GRADED THE ROUGH DRAFTS AND/OR HANDED THEM BACK TO US. I mean, seriously? And yes, I understand that this is partly my fault for procrastinating some of my work, but seriously? Jfc. I just....I don't even know. I'm freaking because I need this class to graduate and it's just pissing me off so damn much.

2. The second thing: So my best friend, whom I love and adore and admire with all my heart, is leaving me. She decided to drop out of high school, which I understand. She wouldn't have graduated on time, and she's planning on going to the community college to make up for it, just not right away. So, I get it, but still. But the worst thing is, she's leaving town to live with her boyfriend about an hour away. This is one of the stupidest things she could do, because even though they've been together for seven months, her track record with guys isn't very good. She knows I'm pissed at her for these choices, but as her best friend, I'm the one offering to help her pack to move in a month and talking to her parents about her choices and everything in between. What the fuck does this make me? Where the hell does this leave me? Should I feel like I'm enabling her? I mean, she can make her own decisions and I'm not the kind of person to tell people what to do, what's right, what's wrong, etc. She hasn't even left yet and I already feel empty.

3. Saving the best for last. She's another best friend, someone who I rarely see because she lived so far away, but whenever we did get together it was incredible. She signed up with the Army National Guard and trained around the state for awhile. I saw her last in August for two days. She left for training in South Carolina in March, and graduated early (last week). So, they transferred her to Virginia (which, by the way, is completely across the United States from me). Now, I'm so happy for her. I'm proud and honored to know her. What I'm pissed about is the fact that her parents decided not to give me her contact information simply because they had never met me. They gave it to our common friend, who practically lived with her, so I asked him. He got all pissed off and told me that they weren't speaking anymore and wouldn't fucking give me her information. I don't care what shit he has going on with her; I want to talk to my best friend and I don't care if I have to do it through messenger birds or smoke signals across the United States. IT HAS BEEN TEN FUCKING MONTHS SINCE I HAVE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH HER. I had a moment the other day, where I just broke down and cried and called her. And then I remembered, oh, yeah. Pathetic.

So, this is my rant for the day. I could easily find more things but I'm depressed enough as it is. I just can't wait for this year to be over. I'm so fucking tired.


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